I read a blog yesterday by a man who's wife is a stay-at-home mother. The man was so tired of hearing "what does she do all day?" by women who work outside of the house that he decided to write about it. This is a paragraph from his blog:
Yes, my wife is JUST a mother. JUST. She JUST brings forth life into the universe, and she JUST shapes and molds and raises those lives. She JUST manages, directs and maintains the workings of the household, while caring for children who JUST rely on her for everything. She JUST teaches our twins how to be human beings, and, as they grow, she will JUST train them in all things, from morals, to manners, to the ABC’s, to hygiene, etc. She is JUST my spiritual foundation and the rock on which our family is built. She is JUST everything to everyone. And society would JUST fall apart at the seams if she, and her fellow moms, failed in any of the tasks I outlined.
Here is the link for the rest of his blog http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/10/09/youre-a-stay-at-home-mom-what-do-you-do-all-day/
This inspired me to write about my daily life.
First of all, let's get one thing straight. I'm not a stay-at-home mom. Nope. I am a Chief Household Officer (CHO). For one, it has a much nicer ring to it, and for two, I do so much more than take care of my kids all day.
When James and I discussed me quitting my job to stay home once I found out I was pregnant with baby #2, we agreed that I would do more than just take care of the kids. James requested that I be in charge of all household chores and never ask him to help with anything (for the record, he does help). I thought about all of the things I don't like to do at my job and decided this deal sounded like a much better option than the things I had to do at work.
It's funny because I remember when I would have a bad day at work and I would think to myself, "at least I'm not running a daycare right now and changing diapers all day and dealing with crying kids." As usual with most things, I am now eating those words. Life is funny that way.
Let me also state, for the record, that I do NOT look down upon mothers who work outside of the home. In fact, I say to you, YOU ARE SUPER WOMAN!!! I worked part-time after I had Rylee so I do sort of know what it's like to be a working mom. If I would have been in a career that I loved, I would have stayed in the work force, but since I wasn't, staying home with my kids sounded like something I wanted to try out. Plus, with my commute, I was gone 12 hours a day and making supper when I got home at 6:30 was just not the most ideal since we wouldn't eat until 7, have to clean after that, then give baths, etc. It was just going to make for too late of nights for all of us.
Just as Matt Walsh (author of the blog I mentioned) discussed, being a mom is not a job. I hate when my husband says "that's your job" if I complain about having to do something. I know what he means, but I still hate when he says that. It's more of a lifestyle. It's tough to figure out how to balance giving my kids quality time and making sure the house is in order. I've been trying to focus more on the kids lately, knowing that winter is upon us and we won't be able to go outside much, and not worrying so much about the house. We have been out of the house every day this week taking advantage of the nice weather and I feel like a cluttered mess because we have been so out of routine and things haven't gotten done around the house.
I still make time every day to do laundry (the folded clothes tend to sit in the basket for a couple days though), wash dishes and empty the dish washer, clean the kitchen counters and table, clean the bathrooms every week, and change out all of my hand towels every few days. "They" say you should change your hand towels out every day -- who has that many towels or wants to do that much laundry?!?!? I think every 2-4 days is plenty. I actually read in a magazine yesterday (and yes, magazines should be taken as facts), that every member in the house should have their own hand towel to help from spreading germs. That makes sense, but really?!?!?!
What I haven't been keeping up on are vacuuming and dusting, my two least favorite things to do. I will clean the bathrooms any day over vacuuming!! My theory about the bathrooms is the more often you clean them, the less dirty they are and thus, not so gross to clean. I used to vacuum every few days when we had cats, but after they went bye-bye and I felt comfortable that we had gotten all of the cat hair out of the house, my vacuum and I just haven't had the same relationship. Sorry Dyson, you're just not doing much for me these days --- maybe this will change once Wyatt is crawling. I do vacuum the entry/dining/kitchen floors more frequently though because they are always covered in Rylee's snack crumbs and gravel dust from our shoes. I did slightly beg a friend to come over tomorrow though so I have a reason to vacuum -- we've all been there, right!?!
I'm contemplating skipping dance tonight just to do house work, but I know I need to make time for myself too (especially since my husband got home so late 2 nights in a row this week). Finding time for yourself is so much harder when you are with kids for 12 hours straight Monday-Friday. At least when you work outside of the house you get a lunch break, some "chit chat with co-workers" time and possibly some time after work. I'm lucky if I can get both of my kids to nap at the same time so I can have a little "me" time (which usually is a nap, so I don't actually get anything done).
So anyway, here is what a day could look like for me:
5:30 - My "alarm" goes off...it sounds much like my 2 year old daughter knocking on her door saying "Mommy, I'm done taking my nap!". Bummer! It IS my daughter. Dang! That means no "snooze" or laying for a few minutes trying to wake up.
5:32 - Pouring a glass of milk and standing in the pantry waiting for Rylee to decide what she wants to eat.
5:35-6:00 - sit in the recliner reading email and facebook posts to wake up.
6:00 - Second "alarm" goes off -- sounding much like my 3 month old son crying. Dang!! Back at it. I also hear my husband's alarm go off, him get up and hit the snooze and then go back to bed. This makes me super annoyed (that he gets to go back to sleep or at least lay in bed waking up). Then I remember how thankful I am that I'm not running around trying to get 3 people ready to go and hoping my work clothes don't get puked on.
6:02 - change Wyatt's diaper and possibly his clothes and sheets too if he peed through his diaper in the night.
6:10-6:30 - Here James' 2nd alarm go off and him hit snooze and go back to bed...again. Ugh. Feed Wyatt a bottle.
6:30 - 6:35 - Tell James good-bye. Check Facebook again to see if I missed anything uber important in the last 30 minutes.
6:35-7:00 - eat breakfast
7:00-7:30 - Argue with Rylee about changing her diaper that she has been wearing for 12 hours, throw a load of laundry in the wash, empty dishwasher, think about what we are going to have for supper in case I need to set out some meat.
7:30 - 8:00 - Finally change Rylee's diaper. Play with Wyatt and Rylee
8:00- 8:10 - check Facebook and email again. And answer texts from my SIL who is also home with her kids and still trying to wake up :)
8:10- 8:30 - move laundry from washer to dryer and throw another load in the washer. Clean bathrooms (minus tub/shower -- that's James' job because his arms are longer, thus much easier for him to clean)
8:30 - 9:00 - play with Wyatt and Rylee. Get Rylee a snack and second cup of milk.
9:00 - 9:30 - change Wyatt's diaper, feed him another bottle
9:30 - 9:45 - Figure out why Wyatt's crying (he just ate for crying out loud). Rock him until he falls asleep.
9:45-10:00 - fold dry clothes and move load #2 into the dryer. think about putting away folded clothes, but decide I don't really feel like it right now.
10:00 - 10:30 - check Facebook and email, answer some texts, look up random stuff on the internet (okay, for those of you who sit at a desk all day, you do these things too....and I know that because you are emailing and texting me and I see your posts on FB)
10:30 - 10:40 - argue with Rylee about changing her diaper again. Refuse to get her a cup of juice until we can change her diaper. Change said diaper.
10:40 - 10:50 - Wyatt wakes up, needs diaper changed.
10:50-11:20 - Play with Wyatt and Rylee
11:20 - 11:25 - My stomach is growling, Rylee is asking for lunch and Wyatt is crying because he is hungry too. Think about who to feed first.
11:25- 11:30 - Make Rylee and I a quick lunch
11:30- 11:35 - Rylee wants to eat lunch on the deck, but she needs pants (because she didn't want to wear any after the first diaper change this morning) and she wants her "sunnies" too because it's bright out. Search for "sunnies" and grab a pair of pants.
11:35-11:50 - Eat lunch on the deck, remind Rylee 50 times to keep eating, please.
11:50 - 11:55 - Bring all of our stuff back in the house.
11:55-12:15 - Feed Wyatt a bottle and hope he goes to sleep - he does.
12:15-12:20 - Put both kids to bed for naps (including a diaper change for Rylee)
12:20-12:45 - Clean up lunch, pay a couple of bills, remember there is laundry sitting in the dryer, but decide not to fold it right now because I'm too tired (there's a reason dryer's have a de-wrinkle button)
12:45-12:50 - check facebook and email real quick.
12:50-1:00 - lay down to take a nap and almost fall asleep...
1:00 - Wyatt is awake -- and crying. Ugh! So much for the nap.
1:00 - 1:10 - Try really hard to get Wyatt to go back to sleep, but give up when he starts giggling at me.
1:10 - 1:25 - play with Wyatt.
1:25 - 1:45 - write a blog post (or part of one anyway)
1:45 - 2:00 - read
2:00 - 2:15 - Wyatt is crying again. Change his diaper and give him a small bottle until he falls asleep.
2:15 - 2:30 - walk out to the road to get the mail. clean out the van.
2:30 - 3:00 - pack diaper bag for tomorrow's adventures, pick up some of Rylee's toys. sit down to relax for a few minutes, while looking at Pinterest.
3:00 - 3:20 - Rylee awake, change her diaper, get her a drink and a snack. Eat snack with her.
3:20 - 3:45 - Play with Rylee
3:45- 4:15 - decide we better go outside and play before the day gets away from us.
4:15 - 4:30 - Make smoothies for me and Rylee and sit and drink it with her.
4:30-5:00 - Turn a show on for Rylee to watch while I finish my blog or read.
5:00 - 5:25 - Wyatt wakes up, needs changed and fed a bottle.
5:25 - 5:30 - Go to the kitchen to start supper, only to realize I forgot to get the meat out of the freezer (which was the whole purpose of planning supper so early in the morning). Vow to get more organized in the meal department and plan further ahead (but do nothing with this vow like always)
5:30 - 5:40 - Take clothes out of dryer and fold while waiting for meat to thaw in the microwave.
5:40-6:00 - Make supper.
6:00-6:15 - Clean any dishes, pans that I'm done with. Sweep Rylee's snack crumbs.
6:15-6:40 - James comes home. We all sit down and eat.
6:40-6:50 - Clean up supper.
6:50-7:20 - go for a walk alone, or take a family Gator ride (yes my 2 year old and 3 month old ride on the Gator -- don't judge us. They will probably be driving the thing down the road when they are 5 too).
7:20-7:30 - baths (yes, it's only 10 minutes -- I can't sit there any longer than that -- Rylee doesn't know she is missing out on 30 minute baths like most of her friends anyway)
7:30 - 8:00 - jammies, hair combed, read a couple books, feed Wyatt a bottle.
8:00-8:05 - Put both kiddos to bed.
8:05 - 8:20 - Eat a bowl of ice cream (I literally walk straight from Rylee's room to the freezer -- I don't even wait for her to be asleep -- whatever she may cry out wanting, can wait until I'm done eating my ice cream-- and she will probably have fallen asleep by then anyway).
8:20-9:00 - Check the DVR to see which show we are missing. Watch it as fast as possible.
9:00 - go to bed.
I'm sure I missed some diaper changes, feedings (snacks or bottles) or other items....but did you notice I did NOT take a shower (and am probably still in the clothes I slept in)?!?!?! Ugh! I know I could have chosen the shower over a few other things, but this day, I didn't. Vow to take shower right away in the morning after everyone is fed and happy....even think about getting up before Rylee to work out and shower (this is occasionally accomplished).
Nothing I did during the day was hard, but I am always drained by the end of the day. Listening to a crying baby and arguing with a toddler are both emotionally draining. Running around all day making sure I get everything crossed off my list is mentally and physically draining (some days my feet hurt). I had plenty of mentally draining days when I worked outside of the home, but at least when I left the job for the day I magically felt refreshed. Now, I am only refreshed after a night of sleep (if I even get a whole night of straight sleep), because my "job" follows me everywhere I go.
However, I am very thankful that I have the opportunity to have all of these draining moments. One of the best parts to being home with my kids is the flexibility we have to go do whatever we want, whenever we want. If we want to tag along with Daddy to Ames and have lunch with Grandma, we can do that. If we want to go see friends far away and stay the night, we can (I promise we will come to KC, R.S.). There are so many fun free kids activities during the day too that, unfortunately, only kids who have parents home during the day can attend. I have been trying to make sure my kids (mostly just Rylee for now) are getting lots of experiences each week, as well as time with other kids. As Rylee was in daycare part-time for 19 months, I do see the value in play-time with her peers and learning to take direction from other adults.
Another great thing about being home during the day is that I don't have to do housework once James is home or on the weekends, so we can just spend time together doing family things (except for the all of the house/farm chores that James still has to do when he is home - ugh!).
I don't think it is right or wrong to stay home with your kids; each family has to do what works for them. I do know of a few fathers who stay home while their wives go to work each day -- THAT, I think, is amazing!! Good for them!!! Those mommy's have the best world, in my opinion...just to have supper on the table when they get home and not have to go grocery shopping (I hate grocery shopping).
Anyway, enough rambling. I just wanted to say, don't ever ask someone who stays home with their kids "what do you do all day?", because we do the same things you do at your job, just on a different level, and we are SUPER jealous of the breaks you get during your measily 8 hour shift. Oh, and your "sick days"...you know the ones...when you lay in bed all day while your kids are at daycare, trying to get rid of your pounding headache, body aches, sore throat, runny nose, vomiting, etc...yeah, stay at home parents don't get those and are MEGA jealous!!!! We still have to tend to all of our duties and get little to no rest time...But, it comes with the "job". You always have to take the bad with the good, right?!?
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