I was originally going to call this post "Adventures in Parenting"...but then I thought, "Who am I kidding?? These are nightmares, not adventures!!"
I have been a parent for almost 3.5 years now and I can easily recall the 3 worst experiences I have had as a parent, without missing a detail.....
The first was a pretty crappy deal! Rylee was just 3 months old and we were tagging along with James on a work trip to the eastern part of the state. We had just dropped him off for a meeting and then went to Target to kill time until he was done (because who can't spend 2 hours in Target?!?!?!). Shortly after we got there I needed to use the restroom. It didn't occur to me to bring Rylee in in her infant seat and just set it on the floor....instead, I just brought her into the bathroom with me and wondered how in the world I was going to make this work with a baby in one arm. But...I made it work and was so proud to have accomplished something that seemed impossible 3 minutes prior!! I was on cloud nine and wanted to shout to the entire store that I just successfully made it through my first hurdle as a parent!! Little did I know that was just the warm-up to what would happen next.....
While we were walking the isles, Rylee had that face....the "I'm pooping" face. I waited a little bit to make sure she was finished and then we headed back to the bathroom for a diaper change. I parked my cart outside of the restroom and unbuckled Rylee from her car seat. As I lifted her out of it I saw that she had left 2lbs of poop in her seat!!! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!?!?!?! OH MY GOSH!!! What am I going to do??? I'm in a public place!!! AHHHHHH!!!! I decided to deal with her first and grabbed the diaper bag and headed into the bathroom. I laid some paper towels down on the changing table and put Rylee on top of them. While trying to get her poop soaked outfit off, I of course managed to get more poop on her than she already had. I needed more than just wipes and paper towels...I needed some really wet paper towels. How the heck was I going to get the paper towels wet while holding my baby on the changing table (it didn't have any straps or I just didn't trust them...or want to get poop on them...I can't remember which)??? I'm holding Rylee with one hand and reaching as far as I can with the other to get the paper towel wet...I'm sure I looked quite comical. While I'm cleaning her I can't stop thinking about the car seat full of smelly poop right outside the door. I'm so embarrassed!! A girl in her late teens/early twenties came out of a stall and asked if she could help me (okay, I'm not doing a good job of hiding my stress....actually, I'm practically in tears). I asked her to please get my car seat....and as I realized I wouldn't be able to put Rylee back into it while I clean it, I asked her to just bring the whole cart in....even though I have unpaid merchandise in it. She kindly wheeled it into the bathroom for me.
I get Rylee as clean as I can (she still just needs a bath) and dressed in a clean outfit. I have the car seat to clean next, but before I can even deal with that I'm faced with "where do I set Rylee while I clean it?!?!" I have a major internal meltdown (as in I only cried on the inside and hadn't shed a tear yet). I first try to clean the seat with one hand, but all I'm doing is smearing the poop and making it worse. Oh, did I mention I almost have the bathroom out of paper towels at this point too?!?!?!? I stop cleaning for a second and contemplate just throwing the seat away and buying a new one. It seems like the best idea at first, but then I realize that I will still be faced with "what do I do with her" while I take the seat out of the packaging and do any required assembly. Ugh!! I decide to just lay her in the cart and quickly get this mess taken care of. She, of course, cries the whole time because laying on the metal cart is terribly uncomfortable (it's summer so I don't have a blanket with me). I get the car seat as clean as I can (it needs a major hose down), get her back in it, go to the snack bar area to feed her and eat lunch, then we head out to pick up James. Luckily, we were headed to his brother's house after that so I was able to bathe Rylee and hose off the car seat, which had plenty of time to dry in the hot sun before we needed to use it again.
What a terrible mess this all was. I will never forget it, nor the great stress and embarrassment I felt. Whenever I hear a new parent talking about their baby's "blow out", I have zero sympathy unless they were in a public place and had no help!
My second nightmare parenting experience was potty training. No explanation needed. And by the way, Wyatt is going to kindergarten in diapers! ;)
The third experience just happened this past weekend. And before I complain about it, I should mention that my husband did ALL the clean up!
We were staying the night with James' brother's family after my nephew's baptism on Saturday. Since it was a celebration with lots of people, there was food....and plenty of it, and as most parties go, the food was sitting on tables for anyone to take at their leisure.....which includes, of course...little hands that can reach it. I was busy visiting with everyone and not really paying much attention to Rylee as she was running all over the place, inside and out, playing with all the kids there. My 5 year old niece kept telling me things like "Rylee just took 3 cookies." and "Rylee is eating MORE cookies!" I just ignored it because I didn't feel like chasing Rylee around watching what she was eating. I also saw her take multiple handfuls of chips, which I did eventually pull her away from.
Early into the evening Rylee asked to go to bed. She was exhausted!! She played much harder that day than she does at home. I put her to bed, in her cousin's sleeping bag that we were borrowing (because this mom didn't even think about where Rylee would be sleeping at their house when I was packing). Wyatt was already in bed as well, but he was coming down with a nasty cough and snotty nose so he was having trouble falling asleep. I took him back upstairs with me, got him some Tylenol and let him snuggle with Daddy for a bit, while I went to bed as well. You see, not only was I very tired, but I had this strange feeling that it was going to be a long night. My instinct was spot on...
Wyatt needed to be upright in order to sleep, so James held him on the couch and they slept there...for a couple of hours until I woke to the sound of Rylee vomiting at 1am. I reached over to wake James up and realized he wasn't there (I was asleep before I knew he and Wyatt were sleeping on the couch). I quickly turned on the light and ran over to Rylee and held her hair back and rubbed her back and told her it was okay and to let it all come out. When I thought she was done, I wanted to get her to the bathroom to get cleaned up (it was all over her of course), but I didn't want her vomiting on the carpet on the way to the bathroom, so I grabbed a little trash can that was in our room and told her, "We are going to walk to the bathroom to clean you up but if you feel sick again, throw up in this trash can." Her 3 year old brain was working much better than mine and she said, "Mom, you need to clean this off of me first." Oh yeah. Duh. The carpet won't be staying clean if she is walking on it with vomit covered feet. I told her to stay there while I ran to the bathroom to get towels.
Let me mention here that there are 14 other people sleeping in the house right now and I have to walk past a bunch of sleeping kids to get to the bathroom. I tiptoe-run to the bathroom and when I get in there I realize I don't want to use any of my sister-in-law's towels to clean vomit. I panic and decide to run upstairs and find James to help. He tells me to just stay up there with Wyatt so we don't wake him up. I have James grab the roll of paper towels on his way back down to the basement so we don't have to use their towels. As I'm holding Wyatt, who is restless and coughing something fierce, all I can think about is that I should be downstairs helping James. So I decide to take Wyatt downstairs with me and lay him on the floor outside of the bathroom in hopes that he will stay asleep long enough for me to help and that he won't cry and wake up all the kids laying on the floor by him.
I peek in the bathroom and see that James has Rylee all cleaned up. She runs up to me for a hug...she feels really bad (sad and embarrassed) when she throws up. James took her back into the room to get some clothes on her while I rummage through someone else's house to find blankets for her to lay on. While I'm doing this, Wyatt is rolling around on the floor, slowly waking up. I grab a sheet and blanket and get it set up in our room for Rylee and then James comes in holding Wyatt, who had fully woken up. We get Rylee settled back down and still have this poor sleeping bag drenched in vomit to clean. James says he will take care of it while I take Wyatt back upstairs to sleep.
Luckily Rylee was fine after that, never got sick again, and was back to wrestling with her cousin in the morning. But, I got all of 20 minutes of sleep from 1 am until Wyatt woke up for the day around 6:30...sleeping upright is just not something I can do. I didn't have my phone with me to keep entertained for 5 hours, so I kept occupied by "writing" blog posts in my head :)
All 3 of my worst parenting nightmares have one thing in common...body fluids! I have always wanted to pursue a medical career, but I just can't be around body fluids....yuck! With my own kids though, I can handle the pee and poop...it's the vomit that I want to call in a hazmat crew to clean up! Thank you so much to my wonderful husband for always taking the lead on that one (except for the time that he wasn't here...at least it smelled like strawberries) <---- was that too much?? I can't wait for the day one of them has a bloody open wound that requires stitches....I will probably have to call the ambulance because I will be too grossed out to drive without passing out. Oh, the joys of parenting :)
